Friday, April 26, 2013

tired of waiting

Dear Fickle Fanny,

Do you every grow tired of waiting for your dreams to happen?

Well let me be honest. Most would say you should not wait for your dream to happen you should just MAKE them happen. Sadly that can not always be the case. What if you are waiting for a suitor to court you? Or waiting for the plus sign on a pregnancy test that never seems to give you the plus only the minus, the empty reality to ones dreams come true.

Most days I can keep my chin up. March on like a happy little soldier, knowing that my life is a gift for the one true living God, and just keep marching. Then comes a waive of emotions and days when the dreams you are waiting on to come true aren't and you can not stay in the holding pattern another SECOND LONGER. What then?

I'm.in.that.moment.what.do.I.do.now.

My dreams.wife.stay at home.homeschooling.momma.creative lady. with a little time to do photography.garden and sew.exercise. have women over for coffee.

I can almost pull it off but the one that hurts the most is the one with not getting to spend as much time with my daughter as I had dared to dream of when she was snuggled safe beneath my skin. In that department I am utterly broken but daily march on thanking God that my darling is my darling and every second we can squeeze out of the day we do.

The answer is YES. I grow weary. I keep marching on. Mostly I often pray to the Lord above like a kid. When I'm happy I pray about it. When I'm sad I pray about it. When I'm broken I left up my empty hands and just cry but they are lifted up to HIM and it is an act of worship and understanding that HE sees me. He loves me and HE has a plan for me and my daughter. And right now I'm just not meant to see the plan that HE is unfolding. I'm just meant to keep trusting. Sometimes grow weary. Lean on HIM. and MARCH ON!